We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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