I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
PANTIES FOUND
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