What did we do last night that was yellow?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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