I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
