I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
