I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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