is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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