I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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