And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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