Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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