I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
