If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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