it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize