Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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