fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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