Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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