Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize