I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
