Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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