Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
