i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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