Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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