Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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