So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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