its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
