dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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