you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Im part way to drunk.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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