you traded sex for a burrito?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
