is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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