Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
