Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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