i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
