Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
