my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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