it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
