Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
