Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to make out with him forever
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
