You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
