you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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