how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
