So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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