I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
