Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
