I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
