YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
