For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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