I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize