Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
