It was confusing and full of hummus
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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