Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
