No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize