if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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