if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
