Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
