so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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