Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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