i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
This baby is an asshole
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
