Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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