I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
