If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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