Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
