I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
