I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
