Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
